He was born 6 weeks premature, weighing 5 lbs, 1oz.  His biological father, as he will put it, "wasn't any good, so Mama got rid of him and got me a good Daddy".

William began head banging at 2 1/2 years old.  I went to the pediatrician, concerned about this behavior.  The doctor told me that I was a "worry wart"  and that all kids do things like this
        ***PLEASE NOTE; IT IS NEVER NEVER NEVER NORMAL FOR A CHILD TO HEAD BANG OR DO OTHER MOTIONS LIKE THIS!  THIS IS A SIGN OF AUTISM!***
William was referred to as a "quirky" child in preschool.  He did some peculiar things, but the teachers always blew it off as him being different.  Nothing was pursued until he went into kindergarten.

On the first day of kindergarten, I was called by his teacher, clearly shaken up, asking "what is wrong with your child".  I was taken aback!  William had completely flipped out, injured one teacher, destroyed 2 rooms and was being restrained by the principal while he screamed expletives.

Within 2 months, we were having to restrain William an average of 3-4 times per week.  He became impossible to control.  He set fires, ran away, beat his 2 1/2 year old brother (Jim, his half brother) routinely.  He gave me death threats, he hid knives, and he began collecting very strange items.  He became anorexic, believing that his food had germs and it was going to poison him.

Within 3 months, William had been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, OCD, Depression, anxiety and PDD.  By the end of kindergarten, he had sent 2 teachers to the emergency room, had damaged more items than I can recount, had scared away 4 one-on-one aids, and put us in a position where I had to go to school with him every day so that he could attend school.  My husband quit his job so that he could be available to assist when needed.

William was diagnosed with more things than we could wrap our heads around.  Through the first 2 years of his schooling, it was a constant struggle.  What could we do to support this child and provide him with an education?  At the age of 7 1/2, William was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.  I rejected this diagnosis.  "My son is NOT autistic" I told the psychiatrist.  After all, William engaged with me, made eye contact with me, spoke in full sentences around me.  I just didn't get it.

When William was 9, the psychiatrist approached me again.  "Miseasa, your son is autistic.  You can choose to accept this diagnosis, or reject it; but he will still be who he is."

I was dumbfounded.  I did not understand, but in the back of my head I realized.  And from there forward, I decided that it diagnoses didn't matter.  William could be an alien, as long as he received the support and assistance that he needed.

By the time William was 10, he had begun having visual and auditory hallucinations.  His first was "The Man In Black".  This vision, whom we thought was his imaginary friend, stayed with William whenever he was in school or mad.  We thought nothing of it until the day that William began talking about how God had been in his room and told him that he was a bad person.

When William was 14, he had his first psychotic break.  He began screaming, crying, writhing around on the floor trying to get away from my husband and I.  He thought we were monsters that were going to eat him.

William had never been hospitalized.  We had an amazing team of doctors that worked hard with us to avoid it.  That is, until his 14th year, when he became such a danger to himself.

New Years Eve, 2006.  William became irate over something in his mind.  In an effort to run away from it, he put his fist through his bedroom window.  There was an angel with us that night, I pulled him away as a large piece of glass came down that would have hurt him.  We finally had to place William in the Psych. hospital for evaluation.

Over the next 9 months, he was hospitalized 7 times.  Finally, they came to us with an explanation.  William had Schizo-affective Disorder.  Things began to make sense.

We were heartbroken.  This did not take the place of his Aspergers, it was just added to it.  Finally, we knew what this childs life was going to look like, and the vision we had was not a pretty one.

William stayed home with us until the following January.  At that point, we realized that this was too much for all of us.  Him, his brothers and us.  We made the decision to place William in a residential facility for a short period of time so that he could learn how to live with his diagnosis.  He was in residential placement in Maine for a little over 1 year.  Every other weekend, we would drive 4 hours one way, just to spend 2 days with him.   It exhausted us both mentally and financially, but we were bound and determined that this child would not feel abandoned.

After that year, we brought him home with the promise of wrap around services that would help us keep him home.  Those services did not materialize until it was too late.  Within 6 months of William being home, he had been to the hospital 3 times, done over $2,000 worth of damage to our home, injured 2 police officers and caused his brother Jim to run away, swearing he would only return if he knew that he would be safe.

William is now placed in a residential facility.  We have no plans for him to return home, but that DOES NOT mean that we are not involved in his life.  I pick him up every weekend.  We have wonderful times together as a family, and are finally reaching a healing stage of our lives.

It was the most difficult decision that my husband and I have ever had to make, and my heart goes out to anyone who is faced with the same choice.  In the end, it was the thought that we could keep William safe in a place where he could be supervised 24/7 and learn adult skills while still keeping his brothers at home and safe.  This was (and my heart cries as I say this) the best decision we ever made.

I love my William with all of my heart, nothing will ever change that.  He is almost an adult, and his brothers are not.  Adults move out and spread their wings, they learn to be autonomous.  This is what William is learning now.  He does not hate us, he does not hate his brothers.  He understands that we are doing the best we can with what we have.  He is, and always will be, my heartsong.